A Dreaded Change

I don't usually post much personal stuff here, but once in a while I need to. This is one of those times.

My dear daughter, who has lived with me here for the last three or four years, is suddenly going to be gone. She is moving to live with her mother in California. I say suddenly, though I've known ever since my ex moved out there that this was part of the plan and that it would probably happen sooner or later. I've been dreading the thought. Well, the time has come -- it's happening sometime within the next two or three days, and I'm a wreck.

I know all the reasons and they're good ones. They need mom/daughter time together. I know that. Mom misses her daughter as much as I'm going to. Being apart has been hard on them both. My little girl has grown into a young teenage woman with all the changes and issues young women go through as they grow up. She needs Mom to help guide her through all of that. I'm not much help with all the girl stuff. As hard as I may try, I'm pretty useless at it. She needs Mom. It'll be exciting for her, there will be new experiences and opportunities, and she'll be in good hands. My head knows all that. It's my heart that feels like it's being ripped out.

Watching her grow from a little girl into the bright, talented person she's becoming has been incredible. Watching her interests, and skills, grow -- particularly in music and writing and photography and video making -- has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I need to make sure she has the opportunity to continue to pursue those wherever she may be. I need to continue my feeble attempts to make this world a healthy and sane place for her too. This site will continue, and what I do will probably expand into other avenues.

This post may stand here for a while. I'll give my daughter a good send off, and I'll give myself a few days to pout and feel sorry for myself. I'm going to be a blubbering mess for awhile, I know that because I already am and she hasn't even left yet, so I may not post much. Then again, I may hit the keyboard with a vengeance to fill the hole this is going to leave. In any event I shall return. I may be more incoherent than usual, but I'll return. This blog really isn't much, but continue it I must. It's the least I can do -- I need to find ways to do more.

Thanks for listening.